Nothing much is up around here. The weather's been nice. We have a dog for the month of February while my rommate's parents are in Costa Rica. It's not the most fun. But we took her for a walk on Monday to the park. It was nice to get out of the house, to just walk around outside. I miss open spaces sometimes.
I went home yesterday to see my family. I had forgotten to miss them for a while, but a text from my Mom out of the blue reminded me how much I wanted to go home. I find it so easy to just keep on existing here, floating from one thing to another. I have no end goal, no "working for the weekend." Going home felt so nice. I used to not want to go home. I didn't want to feel pulled back to a place where I saw no future from. But I was wrong. I like being at home, I love my family, I enjoy going back to where everyone, EVERYONE, knows who I am. All the little things that I thought bothered me really make me smile. It still bugs me that I want to go home. I really want this place I am now to be home, because someday I want to live far away. If this place that is merely hours away from where I grew up can't feel like home, how can some place across the border, or the ocean, ever be comfortable? Are we unable to ever be truly at home anywhere but where we were raised?
I suppose I'm lucky. I have a home I want to go back to. I shouldn't be complaining about having a loving family who wants me at home, or having a place where I feel completely at ease. But I want that to be here too!
Growing up is dumb and weird, and awesome, and scary. I don't know that moment it happened, but I have definitely grown up a bit. I used to be scared that I'd couldn't make a day without hearing from my parents. Now, I text them if anything is up. I rarely call. I don't need to. A part of me thinks that it's good, the not needing my parents, but the other half of me is scared that I may forget to include them in my life. I always want my parents around. They are my best friends, and I try not to think about them too much, or I want to go home. How do you get used to living without your parents?
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